Information Bulletin No 9

Character Structure Part 1

Each of us has a character structure. It consists of two cycles - a feeling cycle and an action cycle. This discussion will consider the two states of the feeling cycle, these being:

Needy/Dependent; and
Disassociated/Withdrawn.

Most people will have a tendency to dominant in one of the above two states and oscillate toward the other on occasions. One character state will dominate our behaviour. This is the dominant state that we feel most comfortable with and use most to relate to others.

However, people who exhibit the extreme end of the spectrum, are highly unlikely to exhibit characteristics of the other extreme.

Quotation:

"The measure of a man's real character is what he would do if he knew he never would be found out."

Thomas B Macaulay

Needy/Dependent

These people exhibit compulsive needs beyond normal human needs. This is the person who always wants more, cannot ever be satisfied, cannot live alone, cannot be alone for extended periods and lives life with a lot of intensity. It is life in the fast lane at all times.

The paradox of the Needy/Dependent is demonstrated by the "hope-disillusionment cycle." They are compelled to seek lasting satisfaction and at the same time are even more strongly compelled not to experience lasting satisfaction. If or when a Needy/Dependent start to experience satisfaction, they will activate their defence mechanisms to prove it is not really happening. For example, a typical response by a Needy/Dependent, when some one is showing caring behaviour toward them, would be "Why am I not appreciated more by the people in my life?"

Disassociated/Withdrawn

These are the loners, the people who are very comfortable with their own company, who avoid any real relationship with others, keep their feelings to themselves and will rarely ask for what they really want.

"The more routine, mild and uncommitted to real human contact I am, the more I will achieve peace at the expense of my aliveness." This is the "hopeless-insignificance cycle" of the Disassociated/Withdrawn person. If or when a Disassociated/Withdrawn starts to make real contact with another person, they will feel very uncomfortable. Their response will be something like: "I am not feeling these emotions and this is not really for me." This is the "denial of the possibility" defence, being one of four defence levels utilised.

Integration

A balanced state is to exhibit characteristics of both states, at differing times and depending on the circumstances, without being stuck in one or the other. It is to overcome the negative aspects of the cycle that is preventing you from living life to its fullest potential.

To integrate the feeling cycle of your character structure, you must move beyond your comfort zone. You must become intentionally vulnerable. This is something that the individual is able to do only through deliberate action. Talking about it will not achieve any changes. It requires the doing to achieve changes and continuation of the doing to bring about permanent change.

Quotation

"Character is not made in a crisis, it is only exhibited."

Robert Freeman

The Dynamic Improvements Programme utilises methodologies to bring about change through awareness, responsibility (getting honesty) and then action for both Needy/Dependant and Disassociated/Withdrawn people. It involves both courage and discipline on the part of the participant.

Please contact Graeme Alford, Principal Executive/Life Coach, for further information.