Information Bulletin No 10

Character Analysis Part 2

Each of us has a character structure. It consists of two cycles - a feeling cycle and an action cycle. This discussion will consider the two states of the action cycle, these being:

I Centred (Self-orientated); and
You Centred (Others-orientated).

As outlined in Information Bulletin Number 9, most people will have a tendency to dominant in one of the above two states and oscillate toward the other on occasions. One character state will dominate our behaviour. The dominant state is the one that we feel most comfortable with and use most to relate to others.

However, people who exhibit the extreme end of the spectrum, are highly unlikely to exhibit characteristics of the other extreme.

All of us start life as narcissist children. We think mainly about ourselves and our own needs come first. This continues throughout childhood and peaks in our teenage years. As we become adults, most will appreciate that others have needs and that there is a balance in satisfying our own needs and those of other people in our life.

Quotation:

"Reflect upon your blessings, of which every man has plenty, not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some."

Charles Dickens, Author

I Centred

We all recognise the I Centred person. They are the people who are self-orientated in their actions and dealings with others. They are the queue jumper always wanting to be served immediately, the aggressive driver changing lanes constantly to gain a perceived advantage and the person who lives by the motto "What's in it for me?"

The I Centred person is saying: "I will get you to respond to my needs. I am about serving my own self interest." Their thinking is that if they are not getting their needs met, then others must be getting their needs met at their expense. They fear competition and being isolated.

This type of behaviour is developed in childhood. It is based on experiences relating to fears of abandonment or rejection. Its main source is a feeling of a lack of love, either real or perceived.

Quotation:

"What you dislike in another, take care to correct in yourself."

Thomas Sprat

You Centred

These are the people who are focused on the needs of others, also referred to as others-orientated. They are generally sub-servant, well-behaved and punctual people. Some will give the appearance of being in control yet are submitting to others.

The You Centred person is saying: "I will submit my will to others and will fail to act for my own self interest." They are people who are usually servicing other people, society or the world. They are compelled to continue doing this, because, if they don't:

They will feel guilt for having let others down; and/or
Something bad will happen to them. This is based on the threat of punishment or actual consequences experienced as a child.

Integration

As outlined in Information Bulletin Number 9, a balanced state is to exhibit characteristics of both states, at differing times and depending on the circumstances, without being stuck in one or the other. It is to overcome the negative aspects of the cycle that is preventing you from living life to its fullest potential.

To integrate the feeling cycle of your character structure, you must move beyond your comfort zone. You must become intentionally vulnerable. This is something that the individual is able to do only through deliberate action. Talking about it will not achieve any changes. It requires the doing to achieve changes and continuation of the doing to bring about permanent change.

Quotation:

"Character: a reserved force which acts directly by presence and without means."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

The Dynamic Improvements Programme utilises methodologies to bring about change through awareness, responsibility (getting honesty) and then action for both I Centred and You Centred people. It involves both courage and discipline on the part of the participant.

Please contact Graeme Alford, Principal Executive/Life Coach, for further information.